Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional
to the cost of the furniture.
Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her
embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show
you he can.
Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often
the midsection of an unsuspecting, reclining human.
Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to
the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest
him or her.
Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Antimatter + It Doesn't
Matter.
Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state when a cat is
present.
Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire
for her to do something.
Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will
come along and take out something good to eat.
Law of Bag/Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within
the earliest possible nanosecond.
Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in
direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
